Today I woke up and a client of mine had sent me this quote.
as my heart felt heavy, this quote made me recognize that all is right. I got the desire to cry and let go and express gratitude as I lay down my hands to what life may offer.
It has been a period of deep letting go.
Letting go of potentially being able to stay in my home. Maybe letting go of a 5 year relationship.
Letting go of my struggle, the fight, dealing with people that are suffering who treat me as their punching ball.
…Letting go of fighting.
I grew up thinking I could only make it alone in this world.
My mom didn’t defend me. My dad oppressed me.
I only had the deepest recesses of my mind to escape.
Deeply alone.
To talk was a struggle. To exist was a struggle. To be seen was a struggle. To feel safety was a struggle.
I lay down the struggle.
I built my whole belief system around this. If I wanted anything in life, I would make it happen.
• I could only look out for myself.
• I could only depend on myself.
• No one else was there for me.
And thus, I created a life that looked like that, where I had to be strong all the time.
I didn’t know how to receive others genuinely caring about me. I didn’t trust it. What would they want in return?
I didn’t understand the theory of loving just because I’m worth loving.
This month has been a laying down of all those old belief systems, that even though I have spent years overcoming them, the residue still shows up in situations in my life.
I’m letting go of the long arduous fights to be seen to get to the point of saying, I’m really worth being loved. Deeply. I don’t have to fight.
I don’t have to fight to find safety in this world.
I am safe.
I don’t have to fight to be good, be worthy, have value.
I am good. I am worthy. I have value.
It’s humbling.
It melts me.
I’m saying goodbye to all the toxic relationships, holding onto boundaries, saying stop before I’m pushed to the edge.
Because I’m not alone.
I’m here for me.
I’m here to stand up for the little girl who thought she had to fight to find a place in this world.
I am safe. I am loved and I deserve to receive love.
I write all this because I realize that in my fierce independence, I forget that people love me and that not only do I care deeply about my clients and friends, they actually care about me.
So, I want to thank you. I know some of you really well, and others barely.
In any case, somehow, we are in each other’s lives.
And I want to thank you, because it’s a hard life if we’re all alone.
I choose to receive your goodness and I thank you for being in my life.
Happy thanksgiving.
Here’s a song I wrote for you this Thanksgiving morn. Click on image to listen…
