For some of us being in existence is a daily struggle.

We create a to do list, something to look forward to-

Ways to hold us down on this planet.

Both with a strong drive to heal the wounds of our world-

As they crush our hearts and souls - of course- we are empaths.

Yet simultaneously there’s a part that just wants to leave-

A part that knows all this is completely futile-

It’s just stuff, it’s just things, it’s just …. transient.

We know the real place is not in this material body-

We come from the everything, the pure love state of godness-

And we struggle with all our might to understand-

Why the hell am I stuck in the body of a human?

Why the hell do I have to feel the pain and infliction we put on each other?

Why do I have to watch the destruction of life all around me?

When all I want to be is free-

All I want for anyone is life and freedom-

We create material ties-

I created a son.

I can’t die.

I have a son.

I can’t disappear.

I can’t ruin his life.

So I must hold on to life.

Hold on to something that gives meaning that has significance-

Something that connects me to the hearts and pain of the world-

…So I am a healer, an artist.

I help others make their journey a little kinder-

A little softer-

We hurt.

We hurt so deeply.

We find ways to cope, to manage-

To imagine happiness is a rainbow that is attainable-

Yet fundamentally I know that pain is part of life-

The ups and downs are part of life-

I struggle with human existence-

How the hell can I help anyone?

How the hell can I call myself a life therapist?

I have a thousand tools to help survive this life-

With the little bits of light daily-

To keep me here on this earth-

To give, to heal, to connect, to feel.

Even though underneath I know-

It’s a game. A game I have to believe with my whole being.

Otherwise it would be too easy to quit this brutal game.

Hold on.

Everyday, I look around and let beauty remind me of my true essence.

Everyday, I see the glimmer of light in someones eyes and I know they feel it too.

I feel my heart beat and I wonder how long I still need to be here.

Everyday, I treat it as if it’s my last.

Transience. Impermanence.

I’m building a tower of legos, knowing I can take it apart at any moment.

Yet with each brick, I remember that I’m here because my soul chose it.

For some fucking reason, I’m here.

There’s no point in wasting it, living a life of misery.

I must embrace. I must hold on.

I must nurture myself.

I must unveil the layers, the traumas, the attachments, the beliefs, the struggles.

To be able to go back home.

One day.