By Carly Ko
have a question for you.
What does being the police of your mind mean for you?
Perhaps you have a morning practice of gratitude. Perhaps you have a manifestation practice, similar to what’s his name from Saturday Night Live, Smalley. Telling yourself I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and do you remember the rest... ? ha.
You may try to correct your mind when you think negatively of someone by trying to make excuses for their actions like “underneath they’re a good person.”
All this is definitely better than nothing. And if you’re not doing this stuff, it could help to start.
But the unfortunate factor is math.
We have about 70,000 thoughts a day.
Thoughts are electric impulses, creating some sort of bio-molecular nuclear reaction in your cells at all times, which is then transmitted through light and vibrational frequency like a megaphone to the world saying “this is me and this is what I want to attract.”
Photo by Tara Winstead: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adhd-mind-symbol-8378732/
Let’s say you decide to work on positive affirmations. You draw a big heart on a pink post-it with the words "you are beautiful" and you stick it to your mirror.
... but all day you have thoughts like “don’t eat this because you’re getting fat, look how pretty and skinny that person is, I could never fit in those clothes, my cellulite is bulging out of my leggings, I look like the Michelin man, how could I ever attract a partner with this body? ” and you expect to radiate beauty thanks to your post-its… good luck.
Michelin Man property Michelin ®
You just had 400 thoughts that reinforced how ugly and fat you are and you expect the post-it that amounts to about 5 thoughts to counteract that!
That’s where math comes in. Probability is negligible.
Shifting a pattern and a mindset takes continuous policing of our thoughts.
It is the self witness that watches ourselves say the things we say to ourselves.
Take a second now. What thoughts are predominately running your brain in this moment, what beliefs are you constantly reinforcing?
“That is too expensive, I can’t afford that, I wouldn’t be able to find someone who lets me be me, I have to work harder to have more time, I am stressed, my job sucks, my house sucks, my boyfriend hasn’t touched me all day, I am so busy, I am not enough, etc. “
If we fill our mind with these thoughts, we create our reality.
You want a life that sucks, great, keep focusing on what sucks.
You want to go outside and see the traffic and hear the loud noises and think how evil pollution is and how it ruins your neighborhood, good, you will always be unhappy with where you live.
Or you can step outside your house, look up at a beautiful blue sky, feel the sun on your face, notice a flower that just bloomed, see someone jamming out and smiling to good music in their car, and you can think wow what a beautiful place I live in.
Photo by George Becker: https://www.pexels.com/photo/selective-focus-photography-of-yellow-dandelion-flowers-115617/
It’s all a choice.
When we realize we have a choice to have a shitty day or a good one, it’s kind of a downer. It means we have to take ownership.
It’s so much easier being a victim!
We get so hyped up thinking that everything in the world is wrong, working against us, that we are a victim to our partner, kids, boss, the A-hole in his Audi, the price of coffee, etc. and we get to build constant dialogs in our minds all-day-long reinforcing the reason for our bad mood.
The worst is someone telling you, (like me for example) “Well, you do have a choice.”
…with a smile.
Yes this is me with way too much make-up and please ignore the ski sweater. This is another story...
Argh. It would be soooo easy to blame everybody else. It takes away the pain, we can just get all amped up hating our fate and never have to come to terms that we are actually the creator of our lives.
So how do we shift?
As a somatic therapist I get to see how trauma can control us, the belief systems we built in the past to protect us control us, the life we had to create to be safe controls us, but….
The first step towards more agency is becoming a witness of the THOUGHTS that we ALLOW to control us.
Try this exercise.
Take a piece of paper or your digital device.
Set a timer for 10 mins. In stream of consciousness write down every single thought and image that crosses your brain.
You’ll be amazed at all the things we think about on repeat.
Exercise 2: for the next few days keep track of the thoughts that are predominant in relation to a desire you have. See if you're empowering that desire or disempowering it.
One thing I am bringing more and more into my life is this phrase.
“Carly, you can choose if you want to be happy in this moment.”
Or “Carly, this situation could be ok for someone else.”
Then my inner kinky self flogger says:
“yeah, but it feels so good to feel all amped up and pissed, it feels so good to keep thinking about all the things that my partner did wrong, it feels so good to reinforce that nobody cares about me, it feels so good to brood in my little cloud of dust (like Pigpen in Peanuts).”
Pigpen from Peanuts
Yes, I get to reinforce every belief I have about the world, I get to feel self-righteous because everybody else is obviously wrong and I am just a victim here.
Argh, it’s so hard to take ownership. Who wants to say, “True, this person did this or that and I can choose how to react.”
How boring.
I can choose to be pissed or simply notice the physical sensations in my body that are reacting.
I can observe them, soothe them and choose calmly how NOT to dive into the realm of old hungry ghosts that devour my soul alive. I could just say, “Hey, would you mind showing up on time next time because respecting each other’s time is really important to me.”
For example.
Or instead of “My boss makes me work so much, nobody is helping me, the kids are so needy, my hubby is oblivious, I have so many things to do, I am a ball of stress, nobody understands and I have to take it all on myself. ”
Photo by Kindel Media: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-holding-her-head-while-eyes-closed-7298403/
I COULD observe the tension happening in my body, my tight shoulders and solar plexus and simply be with it. I can notice my emotional state of stress, overwhelm etc. and say :
Hey, how do I want to choose to show up in the next thing I am doing?
Do I want to have a peaceful and joyful interaction with my kids?
Do I want to create more space for self care?
Do I want to have support in my life and be able to ask for it?
Darn, I can’t get pissed at anyone else, because I chose to get myself in this situation in some way. I can simply state the facts, share how I’m feeling and request some support. Geez, that is so vulnerable.
When stress and anxiety are equated to the situation, I am actually spending MORE brain energy, which means burn out comes quicker.
If I use up the fuel of anger and frustration and come up with 50,000 reasons why they are wrong and I am right, I am missing out on all the opportunities to gain energy and resource by being present with what’s around me and taking in what is good.
Photo by Carly Ko. Property Carly Ko
Whether we like it or not, we are constantly intermingling with all things through thought.
If we believe that the world is a beautiful, safe space and that people are amazing, we get that experience.
And not only is it a shift of what we focus on, the actual physical manifestation of our thoughts happens. People start saying kind things, awesome things show up.
If we cultivate fear, we attract events that can reinforce the belief that the world is an unsafe space.
I’m not saying to become a spiritual bi-passer by focusing only on butterflies and fairies while ignoring other realities of the world...
...but we can choose to focus on what can empower us or weaken us.
We can choose; does knowing this empower me, or does it fill me with dread?
Can I do something that will support me to live in a world that I feel good in?
How much bad news do I want to take in?
How much supports me to feel connected to others in the world?
Does this fuel positive action?
How much of this makes me feel helpless and powerless?
This is true for all the input we take in. What are we nurturing our minds with? What people do we surround ourselves with? What do they focus on and does it support vibrant living or do I feel energetically drained after hanging out?
Phew.... lots of self reflecting questions there...
What films, books, social media do I choose to ingest as I know this will populate my 70,000 thoughts a day. What kind of thoughts and images do I want to cultivate?
How can I support others to cultivate health and happiness? Do I constantly focus on their negative sides, their short comings, conspiracy theories, commiserating about others, or do I focus on their gifts, their potential, their strengths?
Do we have conversations that fuel empathy, understanding, wisdom, excitement, laughter, joy and growth?
What kind of themes do I enjoy bringing into conversation?
We are all here as an intertwined eco-system.
In what way do you want to contribute to the health of all beings?
What light frequencies and thoughts do you want to let permeate out into this planet?
Safeguard your mind as a precious sacred temple.
When we shift what we focus on as a collective, we magnetize and multiply the potential of our reality.
What reality do you CHOOSE to cultivate?
Blog written by Carly Ko. If you’d like to have my monthly muse letters with more blog stories like these: subscribe here