internal family systems — Somatic therapy blog in San Francisco Bay area, Stinson Beach, West Marin, Marin, North Bay, Kona, Hawaii — Ko-Creation Somatic Therapy Wellness
Currently open to a few new online somatic therapy clients. Apply now for consideration.
I wait my whole life for someone to pick me up and hold me. I seduce, tantalize, flirt, flaunt my beauty—fall in love just waiting for someone to lift me, to wrap me in their arms and tell me I am safe. But the realization slams into me as I lay there, frozen beneath him: No one is coming. Not now, not then, not when I was screaming in that crib at one year old, my tiny body writhing in desperation, lungs bursting for someone—anyone—to hear me. They were there, but they weren’t here. They were in the other room. Just out of reach. And now, decades later, that same loneliness claws at my chest, a ghost of every moment I needed to be held and wasn’t.
Then my inner kinky self flogger says “yeah, but it feels so good to feel all amped up and pissed, it feels so good to keep thinking about all the things that my partner did wrong, it feels so good to reinforce that nobody cares about me, it feels so good to brood in my little cloud of dust…